Deaths

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Dealing with a death, whether expected or sudden, is a difficult time. This section aims to provide some practical advice and links to other sources of help and advice to make the process easier.

Click on the below links for further information on each subject:

If the death occurs in hospital

If the death occurs in hospital, the hospital staff will contact the person named by the deceased as next of kin. This may be, but need not be a relative. You may, if you wish, request to see the hospital chaplain. The hospital will care for the body in the hospital mortuary until the executor or person making the funeral arrangements makes the necessary arrangements for collection. Most funeral directors have a chapel of rest in which the deceased will be held pending the funeral. The hospital will arrange for the nearest relative to collect the deceased's possessions.

If the death occurs elsewhere

If the death was expected, contact the doctor who attended the deceased during their final illness. If the doctor can certify the cause of death he or she will give you the following:

a Medical Certificate that shows the cause of death (this is free of charge and will be in a sealed envelope addressed to the registrar).
a Formal Notice that states that the doctor has signed the Medical Certificate and tells you how to get the death registered.

You may wish to contact the deceased's minister of religion if you have not already done so. Arrangements for the funeral may be made with a funeral director, or you may make the arrangement yourself.

If the death followed illness from HIV or AIDS there may be special rules about handling the body. The Terence Higgins Trust can advise on funeral arrangements in these circumstances.

Unexpected death

If you discover a body or the death is sudden or unexpected, you should contact the following people:

the family doctor (if known).
the deceased's nearest relative
the deceased's minister of religion
the police, who will help find the people listed above if necessary

If there is any reason to suspect that the death was not due to natural causes, do not touch or remove anything from the room. The death may be referred to the coroner. The doctor may ask the relatives for permission to carry out a post-mortem examination. This is a medical examination of the body which can find out more about the cause of the death and should not delay the funeral.

Funeral arrangements

When the death certificate has been issued by the Registrar, you will also be given a certificate authorising the funeral.

The choice of a firm of funeral directors is important as you should feel comfortable and confident with them. They may be known to you personally, may be recommended by a friend, your GP or religious adviser or may just have a good reputation in your area.

The following organisations represent funeral directors:

All have a code of practice and should give you an estimate of costs - their own and those fees they will pay on your behalf and add to the account. You can ask for this estimate in advance and it's a good idea to ask different firms to quote so that you can compare costs.

Your funeral director can make all the arrangements for the funeral, burial or cremation, religious or secular service. The funeral director can also advise on all the procedures and documents needed to register the death.

If you are considering a headstone, most cemeteries will advise to wait for a period of approximately six months before placing it. However, we suggest you contact your preferred choice of monumental mason as soon as possible to avoid any unnecessary delay after this waiting period.

Non-religious services

There is no requirement to have a religious ceremony, or any kind of ceremony at all at a funeral. People that regard religion to be unimportant or have made a decision to live their lives without it may prefer a Civil Funeral Service or a Humanist Ceremony.

This type of ceremony is not intended to oppose a religious funeral, but to provide a dignified and respectful celebration of the death that has occurred.

At this type of funeral the services of an officiant, on the lines of a minister or celebrant are commonly employed. They will conduct the proceedings which can involve readings of appropriate prose, tributes by attendees or the officiant and the playing of appropriate music.

The British Humanist Association website offers advice on all aspects of humanist ceremonies.

Celebrants are trained professionals who can officiate at funerals, weddings, namings or any other rite of passage.

If you don't want a ceremony at all, members of the family or close friends can attend the committal, which can be in silence or with some music being played.

Non-Church of England services

If you have to arrange a funeral for someone who is of a faith different from your own, it is important to contact the equivalent of the local priest of the demonination to find out what needs to be done.

Other faiths

Muslims

Most Muslim communities appoint one person who is responsible for making funeral arrangements. It will be their job to advise of the rules and to select a suitable funeral director.

Hindus

Hindus are always cremated, and never buried. There are many possible variations of rites which depend on their form of Hinduism. The Asian Funeral Service can give advice on and arrange Hindu Funerals. They can be contacted on 020 8909 3737 or by email at asianfuneralservice@btinternet.com

Jews

Jewish funerals are usually arranged by a dedicated Jewish Funeral Agency, or the local community may have a contract with a Gentile funeral service, which will be carried out under strict rabbinical control.

The Jewish Bereavement Counselling Service offers support and can be contacted on 020 8349 0839.

Legal advice

If you have any difficulty in dealing with the deceased's property, possessions or guardianship of their children, get advice from a solicitor or Citizens Advice Bureau as soon as possible.

From the CAB (or their website) you can get the leaflets Legal Aid Guide and Getting Legal Help from a Citizens Advice Bureau, public library, police station or a court, to find out if you can get legal aid.

These places also hold a list of local solicitors which shows whether they take legal aid cases and if they specialise in probate work. Again you can search for local solicitors using the online Yellow Pages website.

The Legal Services Commission Website also contains leaflets and other useful information.

Many solicitors are prepared to offer upto half an hour of legal advice for a small fee, some even offer a free initial consultation to discuss your situation.

Probate

The word "probate" is often misunderstood. It conjures up images of months of difficulty and delay. This is not inevitable and many simple probates are finished quite easily in a month or so.

Putting it simply, a probate is a piece of paper, nothing more. It is a document issued by the Probate Registry confirming that an executor has the right to wind up an estate of the person who has died. The "estate" is the house, money and savings left by someone when they pass away. The "executor" is the person chosen in the Will to sort out the estate and make sure it goes to the people named in the Will.

Whether you have to have it depends upon the size of the estate. Quite often, when the estate is very small no probate is needed.

Probate is obtained by filling in some forms. If the estate is small, the forms do not have to give full details of it. The important form is the "Executors Oath". This is not usually available from stationery shops but can be found in books about probate. It has to be sworn as being true.

For more information on Probate, including application forms, fees etc, visit the Court Service Website.

Solicitors

You do not have to use a solicitor, but it helps. You can also apply direct to the Probate Registry yourself. Most solicitors offer probate services and their fees depend upon the amount of work necessary and the size of the estate. Always ask them first.

Wills

In order for a will to be valid, it must be:

made by a person who is 18 years old or over
made voluntarily and without pressure from any other person
made by a person who is of sound mind. This means that she/he is fully aware of the nature of the document s/he is writing or signing and aware of her/his property and the identify of the people who may inherit; and in writing
signed by the person making the will in the presence of two witnesses
signed by the two witnesses, in the presence of the person making the will, after s/he has signed. A witness or the married partner of a witness cannot benefit from a will. If a witness is a beneficiary (or the married partner of a beneficiary), the will is still valid but the beneficiary will not be able to inherit under the will.

Although it will be legally valid even if it is not dated, it is advisable to ensure that the will also includes the date on which it is signed. As soon as the will is signed and witnessed, it is complete.

If there is no Will speak to a solicitor - it is safer in the long run because various laws affect who is entitled to wind up the estate and receive the money.

Tax

If the person who died was paying tax on income from investments, or as a self employed person, or as an employee, tell the tax office about the death as soon as possible. This will enable the deceased's tax affairs to be settled. Depending on circumstances, this may involve paying some more tax or claiming a repayment.

The particular tax office to contact will depend upon the deceased's circumstances, for instance:

if the deceased was an employee or had a pension from a former employer, the pay section of the employer or pension organisation will know the deceased's tax office.
if the deceased was self-employed, contact the tax office nearest to the place of business.
if the deceased was unemployed, or retired without pension from a former employer, contact the tax office nearest to the home address.

The Inland Revenue leaflet 'IR45 What to do about tax when someone dies' gives more information. Alternatively, further information, and copies of the IR45 leaflet are available at the Inland Revenues's Website.

Financial advice

Professional advice on financial matters can be obtained from a variety of sources:

your bank or Building Society may be able to offer you assistance regarding investments etc., however, they will generally only be able to recommend their own policies and investment opportunities.
an Independent Financial Advisor will be able to search around for the best investments, savings, life assurance, mortgages etc,. to suit your individual needs. It makes sense to contact an Independent Financial Advisor so that you can make comparisons on all the different options that are available.

Tips on coping with bereavement

It is only natural to experience grief when a loved one dies. Some suggestions on ways to help you cope are outlined below, but everyone has to find their own way:

Seek out caring people.
Express your feelings.
Take care of your own health.
Avoid major life changes.
Seek outside help when necessary.
Be patient. It can take months or even years to absorb a major loss and accept your changed life.

Be patient with yourself. You probably cannot even imagine ever being happy again. Yet people around you may be telling you to "get on with your life." They mean well but you may not be ready for this kind of advice. Ask them to be patient with you and be patient with yourself. Tell others what you need from them at this point in time - listening, sharing memories of the person who is gone, or just being there with you and for you.

No one can predict how long the grieving process will take in any particular situation. But someday, believe it or not, you will no longer want to hold on to the pain. Gradually you will be able to accept what has happened and move beyond your sorrow.

Set little goals for yourself. Getting beyond grief takes a lot of effort. You may feel uncomfortable returning to normal activities, but getting back into a routine will help.

You might want to try to:

Call up a friend
Clean out a cupboard
Get tickets for an event you'll enjoy
Start a creative project
Read a book

As you try to accomplish your goals, you will slowly move beyond your grief, rather than allowing it to paralyze you. Doing something helpful for someone else is another good way to begin focusing outside of yourself.

Sources of Counselling and support

Click on the below links to visit the websites of the organisations listed

Compassionate Friends - support for bereaved parents and their families

Cruse Bereavement Care - counselling,support, information, advice, education and training services.

Norfolk & Norwich Suicide Bereavement Support Group - advice and support for those affected by suicide

Nelson’s Journey - a registered charity, set up to help children living in Norfolk who have experienced the death of their mother, father, brother, sister or other significant person.

You might also want to talk to friends or relatives, and your GP can also offer help and guidance.